One of the most challenging times of my life was following my divorce. Not so unusual you might think. I think all of us have heard stories of messy divorces. In fact divorce is rarely an event that causes no emotional upset to those involved. In that sense mine was certainly no different. Of course I am bias but I see my own situation as being somewhat unique. My ex-wife is Peruvian and her morals, values and belief structures are in a large part driven by her cultural and the way she was raised as a child in Peru. Many of the things that we (those who live in developed 1^st world countries) take for granted, such as democratic government, social welfare, the right to an education, freedom of speech and sexual equality are often alien to those who live in developing countries, or at least that that was how it seemed to me after living in Peru and being married to a Peruvian.

When my wife and I separated I assumed I would have the usual access to my children that you might generally expect in such a situation, but this, as well as many other things didn’t happen. I spent a lot of time and energy fighting my ex wife both in and out of court just to be able to see my own children and to make sure that I kept on seeing them.

Well, I don’t want to go on too much about the details. (I could carry on forever!) I think I have set the scene well enough. So anyway, the point is, that this particular time was a pretty difficult one for me on many levels. I am not the sort of person that keeps things bottled up. I would say that I am emotionally intelligent and I believe talking things over with someone is by far the best approach to relieving anxiety. I am lucky enough to have a good bunch of close friends one of which I can confide in about absolutely anything. I can’t do that with all my close friends, not because they are any less close to me but because they are not on the same level as me emotionally. From day one and for many many months leading up to my separation this particular close friend was a fantastic support to me. He was always there and still is always there to listen to what I have to say.

My close friend is actually not that much of an emotional person himself, in the sense that he doesn’t show it on the outside at least. He holds himself together incredibly well. His strength of character is inspirational and he always comes across as confident, bold and firm in what he has to say. He talks in a way that makes you take notice, in a way that draws you in and makes you believe in what he is saying. Of course he is not always right and we challenge each other all the time. It isn’t that which makes the difference; it’s more the reassurance that I feel when I speak to him. He genuinely cares about people and it is easy to see by the way he speaks about them. His air of authority combined with his warming nature is just great. He is the type of person who would make a good leader. He is the type of person that people would follow. I have on many occasions.

During my separation and divorce my close friend always managed to make me feel better about things. He was always positive about a clearly dire situation and he always made me feel good about myself by complimenting me on how well I was dealing with things. This above all was the thing that used to lift my spirits. Sometimes I most definitely wasn’t dealing with things but he often used to comment that ‘if it were happening to him he wouldn’t be doing as well as I was’. It is that type of selflessness that makes it easy to see how genuine he is and how much he really cares.